** Disclaimer- This bad boy is long and erratic, but epic. But like I said, Im not interested in editing, making things perfect.. Things might be in the wrong order. This blog is UNEDITED and raw.. Straight from my mind to the fingers to the page. I choose ease with this blog 😉 **
While being in Egypt I’ve been thinking ok, how can I communicate what this is all about for me and all of the ‘uh huh moments’ I’m having regularly throughout each day? I wanted to kick off with what I know now to be a rather word heavy post, but like I said, im not interested in making my posts perfect. They really are an authentic mind dump whether they be conscious or done in my sleep.
Again, Reflective of what my brain is like, it may be erratic, a little all over the place, SQUIRREL! But you will get the point 😉
So, Egypt (many posts coming about this beautiful place). I came to Egypt a couple of weeks ago. Why? Cause it’s my soul place. I feel home here. I am in LOVE with the Egyptian people and the way of life. No shoes, love, simplicity, heat, pyramids, adventure, giving, history… it’s all what makes my heart sing, Oh and, cause my vision board said I would. I remember last year some time saying that I wanted to tri live, and Egypt is one of the places in the trifecta. (Disclaimer- Tri living does not imply that only 3 countries a year are visited- I am and always will be a global citizen. Why wouldn’t you be?) I came to Egypt and only really realized I was actually in Egypt about a week in. I was totally not in my body. It’s like I had subconsciously chosen to be in Egypt and my consciousness hadn’t caught up yet, I kid you not. I travel the world to beautiful locations all the time and I’ve never been to Egypt not once, so it was a weird sensation… It just didn’t feel real. I felt ‘off with the fairies.’ Since I was a little girl though I’ve been dreaming about this mystical place. Reading about the pyramids, the pharaohs, the kings, the history that this place carries. I was enamored with a place I’ve never been to. So to actually come here now was like living in an outer body experience.
I kept thinking, “how did I jump from here to here within the space of 1, 2 years? Am I really here? Hold on.. Where in my life am I at right now? What do I have to do tomorrow?” To be honest it was a bit of a mind warp. Like I couldn’t comprehend whether it was a special occasion, or a holiday, or what. I literally was out of my body and into an ethereal experience. So different to anything before, like I said, I’ve travelled and seen a lot. It really didn’t feel as blissful as it should have, Sure it was beautiful. I felt calm and at home. But there was something underneath that was coming up and more and more everyday. Like, perhaps, I dno… an ego? I can explain it like this. Say you had this best friend that was also sort of an enemy, lets call him Barry. Barry the Bullshitter. And you had been throwing all these parties (lets say like, one huge party called an amazing beautiful life) and Barry started to get a little annoyed he wasn’t invited. First he knocked on the door of the party. I didn’t let him in. Then he knocked a little louder. I just pretended I couldn’t hear it. I just kept dancing with my friends love, and joy, and allowance, and courageousness and peace (those are my favorite friends to party with btw. Great guys). Then he knocked again, and again, and again. He had something to tell me but I just saw him as this annoying guy that I didn’t want at my party. I didn’t realize that without him, there actually was no party. Barry knew this and essentially hung outside the party, lurking, throwing bottles and sticks into the party to try and break it up… Until he couldn’t take it anymore that I wasn’t listening, and my party was getting better, and more fun, and I was about to move onto the next phase of partying (you could relate this tooo um, blissful bountiful and beautiful Egypt.). So, Barry knocked the door down and stormed on in. Are you feeling me here? Pretty good analogy if I do say so myself.
I know exactly why Barry came at me fast and strong. Because he knew I was entering a new phase of joy, bliss, courageous, love, insight, consciousness, ease, expansion, allowance, and he knew that I couldn’t go if I didn’t let him come. Or at least let him come and just wait outside as the security guard, keeping me and my friends (love, bliss, joy, courageousness, acceptance, peace) all safe!
I chose, deep in my cells to come to Egypt to enter a new phase and to make myself uncomfortable so that I could grow. I feel that you should always be spiritually ahead of your success and internally more abundant than wealth could ever catch up to, so that it never has to, ya dig? I knew that things were happening for me. I knew that people were following me. And I KNEW that I needed to always be my best self and make that my #1 priority, now that I’d been given a very special role in the universe. I didn’t come here to dress up in cute outfits and take pics for the gram. Although that is fun too! I came to experience soulful bliss and self-discovery like I never had before. Subconcsiously my intentions coming here were to learn more intimately about myself, the universe, my journey and my role here. To stretch myself and get a little uncomfortable spiritually so that I could move into my new phase of service to the world and love with myself. Consciously, I also wanted to prove the power passive income. That you can travel while getting paid in your sleep. I wanted to SHOW that you can explode your business, be effective and efficient, impact the world, from the desert, oceans, the jungle, wherever you are in the world. I think that’s why I felt so out of body when I arrived. But needless to say, the separate intentions and desires merged and here I am, in a new energy I’ve never felt before. Let’s call it, pure choice energy (I hope you’re keeping up here. I am really A.D.D).
I made the CHOICE when I came here to be in flow. To allow rapid success in all areas of my life not WHILE I was living in bliss but BECAUSE I was living in bliss. ( I just got goosebumps as I wrote that. Please guys, make sure you understand this. I came to Egypt to enter a new phase of success not WHILE I was in bliss, but BECAUSE I was in bliss. Ya dig??) Bliss comes before success. Success doesn’t come before bliss. This reminds me of an Abraham quote. Abraham being my greatest spiritual teachers outside of my beautiful mentor/sage/guru of all things life and infinity.
“You see, most humans misunderstand. You think you’re here in order to get stuff done. It’s not to get it done, it’s to enjoy the deliciousness of the doing of it. It’s for the fun and the clarity and the fulfillment of the pieces dovetailing.” Abraham.
Feel good first. Then you are in alignment. Then you can live and serve. It’s the ONLY order.
BECAUSE I chose to take my body where my soul yearned for it to be, success, growth and bliss would ensue. This was initially a tough thing for my ego to handle.
Barry the Bullshitter: “Wait.. What? You’re moving the party to an even bigger venue and not inviting me again? But Jess, you need me! Im not just some annoying mo’fo.. I am here to keep you safe, entertain you, trick you, make you laugh, and keep you grounded on planet earth. You’re falling more in love with your friends flow and love and allowing than you are me? We’ll see about that!! “
Barry came at me hard, fast and aggressively. The details of it I wont share because I don’t think they’re necessary. Let’s just say extremely fearful thoughts… and in a very sneaky, illusionary manner. It was weaving uncomfortable thoughts into my whole day. And like I said, it was really crafty about it. I really want you all to know that. You know when everything is going so beautifully in your life? And the old ‘too good to be true’ ‘somethings gonna go wrong’ program comes out to play. Yep. Why? Here’s what I know to be true after the first two weeks here. Your ego/voice/imposter will come at you. It will. But the growth, learning, expansion and consciousness comes from KNOWING that it’s separate from you. KNOWING that you are separate from it. KNOWING that you are not these thoughts. KNOWING that it’s made up. KNOWING that you are in control at all times. That’s how you progress through life. Not by ‘being clean and clear and having no ego.’ KNOW THIS. PLEASE. It is bursting through my heart and soul to tell you this. Inner freedom and abundance is first CHOSEN, and then EARNED and learned if you’ve been programmed otherwise, and many of us have been. I don’t know all of you personally but for those I do, you will know this. I work harder on myself than I do on anything else. With this I have had a pretty strong ‘beating myself up program.’ I am in constant pursuit of betterment, and its just my personality type. But what I am learning more and more is that TOO is ego, and NOT REAL. What is REAL is self-love and approval at ALL times because we are all perfect, always! Don’t ever, ever let anything rob you of your now. Your now is all there is.
The past two weeks have been two of the most challenging of my spiritual journey to date. I have experienced the highs of the highs, and pure complete and utter soulful bliss and insight. But I’ve also experienced darkness, confusion and really epic fear. I honor the shit out of every single moment because I am LOVING learning more about earning inner freedom. And Im writing this to you now feeling like I’ve emerged from what really felt like a rollercoaster of bliss while also being the tunnel of terror.
This is expected in the early stages of enlightenment… Just please know that. Perhaps not when you’re 20, 30 years down the road but when you are starting off and still UNLEARNING a lot, it’s normal. If you want to choose the downstream flow of bliss and abundance, and you’ve been programmed against it, well, you have to earn it. I always say, and I stand by it through everything I share.. “YOU CHOOSE.” Sure you may not consciously choose your ego. But what you CHOOSE is commitment to growing, commitment to learning, and commitment to overcoming. Commitment to the journey of enlightenment and not identifying with the ego. That’s what you choose. And as we all know, the journey is the most rewarding part. There is no destination.. Until you leave this physical world, which again, is a choice (Ill go into this when I recap ‘Heaven Speaks’).
Bliss and joy is where we belong. Downstream flow is where we belong. Having people and opportunities just show up, is where we belong. Love, happiness, wellbeing is where we belong. Anything OTHER is not real. It appears to be real (scaringly real sometimes) but it isn’t. It’s there to serve a purpose (keep you safe, aware, grounded, entertained haha!) but it’s not real. When I chose to come here to stretch and grow, boy, I didn’t expect to be challenged like I was but F*** I am grateful for it. You can ask my friend Daysha. She got a blow by blow description of what my ego was throwing at me. I remember her saying to me, “Jess your imposter is realllly freaking bad today.” I said babe, I know. But look at what I’m creating, it’s just doing its job. And I can handle it because I know it means I am moving forward into my new phase. I know I’ve gotta earn it.”
The ego DOES have a purpose. And you’ve gotta love it for it! My mentor got me to go through them so I could fall in love with my ego (Barry the bullshitter and I do love each other despite wanting to punch each other in the head sometimes- You’re a f**** weirdo Barry! Ya hear me? You’re a fruit loop and I love you but I wouldn’t invite you to my wedding.. ok?). When you are playing small in the world.. AKA NOT living in bliss. NOT living in love. NOT stretching. NOT at all challenging the ego.. You’re playing it safe. And playing it small… Then you probably wont notice your ego a whole lot. Getting to tango with my ego is SO worth the beauty I get to live every day and looking back I will be SO glad I stretched into new phases constantly.
“Forget Safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious. “ Rumi
So what do you think my ego wanted to do when I said , “hey! Awesome. My passive income is growing and growing allowing new levels of freedom (External abundance is a sign of internal abundance and self growth), I am living my dreams, relocating my office to Egypt, I am FULL of love from the most beautiful people in my life, I can give without thought, I live in flowwwwww, I know my purpose, I live my purpose, I am fulfilled and enlightened, I’m falling in love (with lots of things/people/person), my life is becoming EASY (ah my favorite word)…..
As if the ego would wanna be out of a job when it notices all of that. There is a LOT of work for the ego to do to keep up with love. I am OOZIng love. OOZING joy. OOZING success. (I choose that all the time but this was NEK LEVEL internal success. Internal love. Internal joy). It just came at me. I’ve already shared but just so you can understand, I had a constant tight chest and short breath… To the point where one night I just cried and surrendered. I wont go into the surrender process here because I’m aware that is a whole new post in itself. My ego came at me with incredibly dark thoughts and fears that I had programmed myself perhaps from a past life. Fears I knew weren’t real, but they were there. When I looked out at the physical manifestation that I created. I saw literally the most beautiful sight an eye could see. Mountains surrounded by lakes. Beautiful lush gardens. Silence. Heaven. And even in my heaven, there was ego. I don’t want you to think it’s a dark post. It’s a BEAUTIFUL post. Because you can learn a huge and perhaps life changing lesson from this. DO NOT IDENTIFY WITH YOUR EGO. And perhaps you can better understand this as, DO NOT IDENTIFY WITH YOUR THOUGHTS. You are NOT your thoughts.. Do you know what you are? Do you know who you reallllllllyyyy f******are (im swearing because I have gone through a LOT this last 2 weeks and I REALLY want you to get this message)… I was so out of my body and out of my flow at one point because of this temporary battle with my ego (a tunnel preceding a new light) as I see it now that I had a motor bike accident. Except it wasn’t really an accident because it was obviously manifested to be a blessing.).
You are BLISS. You are JOY. You are LOVE. You are EASE. You are all the most magical feelings, experiences and energy you couldn’t even possibly think up because thoughts don’t even extend that far! Yet so many people CHOOSE to believe their thoughts, and even go as far as to become one with them, and let them take over completely. F*** THAT. Now, this takes practice. But we will get to that. The practice is called meditation. Ever heard of it? Ever prioritized it? I thank the Universe and every molecule that exists that I do.
Im telling you this because I want you all to understand the sort of internal growth and awareness that comes with external growth and awareness. The sort of spiritual and personal growth, awareness and commitment that comes along with experiencing your true growth on the outside. That is why Im telling you this. Many people look at me and others who they deem to be successful and think it’s ‘luck’. But do you know what I know deep in my cells? People who experience mind blowing abundance on the outside have worked so freaking hard on themselves on the inside. Their mind. Their Spirit. Every fibre of their being so that they can be better. And not better for themselves. But better for the world. I KNOW this to be true. My cells are screaming at me dancing as I write this.
I now sit here. Looking out of my balcony, two sphinxes on either side of my pool, smirking at me saying “Ok Jess, you passed another test. But it’s not over, and it never will be. You’ve got to commit to growth and you’ve got to commit first and foremost, to love.” I can hear them say it. How else did I know what to write just then? My brain is so A.D.D it never could have stringed those words together.
Life IS as beautiful, blissful, bountiful and beyond amazing as it appears on the outside. I can tell you from where I sit, my life is really really beautiful. So much so that I cant comprehend it sometimes. My family, my friends, what I get to do everyday, how I feel, what I know… I am overflowing with gratitude that my infinite soul gets to play in the life of Jessica the human. But when you get to that point of abundance and flow and beauty becoming ingrained in you, remember always that THAT is the truth. Your ego will try to tell you tricks, but love and joy are the truth.
Commit to choosing beauty. Commit to choosing flow. Commit to choosing downstream thoughts and feelings. And most of all, commit to working through your programs and stories, overcoming your fears, so that day by day, you are closer, and closer and closer to the downstream life. The life of pure and complete abundance on the inside and the outside. Where life chooses you. Where success chooses you. Where things just show up as you choose them on your vision board. That’s life, my friends. Everything else is a lie and you NEED to know that. Every time anyone tries to tell you that what you’re doing is wrong, or perhaps they try and cut you down (I still get it. But the 99999999:1 ratio of love to hate doesn’t bother me)… It’s because anything that doesn’t understand you, will try it. Ego, fear, and haters.
You know how people say they get it. I GET that life should be abundant. I GET that we should be free. I GET that we should be able to travel. Please look through my eyes here and see this. Actually KNOW this. The more abundant my life becomes, the more CERTAIN I am with every fibre of my being that there really isn’t another way. I’m not just talking about time freedom. I’m talking Choice. Pure choice energy. Choosing literally how you feel. Who you spend time with. How many massages a day you wanna get. What you want to eat, who you wanna give to. Whether or not things are easy or whether or not they’re hard.
I am going to write a separate post on abundance and my new ‘uh huh moments. But I just want to leave you with this. I feel like I’ve gone through a little tunnel which has me seeing things more brighter, and beautiful than ever before. I want you to see what I see. It really is as magical as you can imagine. It really is you, holding a wand, and choosing EXACTLY how you want it all to go. From the depths of your soul, to each and every emotion, to what you see in front of you and where you are in the world, to what sort of relationships you have. PURE choice energy… It’s Pure, because it’s yours. It’s pure because it’s love. And i’ts pure because you believe it, and you trust it. I dare you to trust it. I dare you to live in the magic. It’s a beautiful place over here. Trust me.
Love to all, I needa go and shake it out. And then cartwheel or something. The universe needs some making love to. – #jess
